Asking for It: 7 Tips to Getting the Sex Life You Always Wanted

Own It
So, let's say what you like is a little out there … or, at least, you think it might be. Are you weird? Is it OK to ask you partner to do that? The answer is absolutely yes - with one major caveat: That your objective is to put yourself out there and own your sexuality, not pressure your partner into action. The best sex is consensual, and comes from a place where partners respect each other's boundaries.

Don't Complain
There may be a fine line between a request and a complaint, but you definitely don't want to cross it. Ever. Sex is closely tied to ego and identity, so steer clear of bashing your partner's moves or whining about what you aren't getting. The difference between "I hate it when you," and "I'd love it if you would" is huge. One can help lead you down the path to feeling more satisfied with your sex life. The other can lead to serious problems with your partner. You pick.

Be Direct (But Kind)
Sex can be tricky for a lot of people to talk about, but euphemisms and coyness are a poor way to give directions – and often lead to misunderstandings. Ask for what you want by asking for what you want. Be clear and be direct, but also be kind and respectful of your partner's feelings, and consider how your request might be interpreted. The key is to portray your request as something you'd like to add to your repertoire, not something you are feeling sore about missing out on.

Don't Back Down
While your partner's feelings (and consent) are crucial, sometimes you have to be tough. If you can't fully enjoy sex without being tied up or enjoying G-spot play or having your ears twiddled … whatever … you need to make that clear to your partner. What you want is OK, and great sexual partners are interested in reciprocation, or at least some degree of negotiation.

Take Charge
There's a common cultural narrative that suggests that sex is something that women accept or submit to. Well, we hope we aren't the first and last to say it, but that time-worn story is total bullshit. Even so, our upbringing and culture are powerful influencers, so you may be carrying this idea around anyway. If you are, it might be time to let it go. Sex is something women can (and do!) desire and love. Tune into your sexual self and dare to approach your love life with all the appetite and enthusiasm it deserves.

Be a Good Partner Yourself
Dan Savage has famously said that great sex comes from being good, giving and game. In other words, we should be good to our partners and treat them with respect, be giving when it comes to ensuring their pleasure and be game to try new things. It's really that simple: If you want to have great sex, the key is to give great sex. Whether you're male, female or somewhere in between, that's about as equal as it gets.

SOURCE: kinkly.com/ Anna Lynn