Jones posing with the attire she wore to the '80s-themed sex party.
COURTESY OF SPENCER JONES
Jones posing with the attire she wore to the '80s-themed sex party.
For me, most parties entail having a few drinks, dancing and perusing the crowd, while others end up being more eventful. I'll gyrate on the dance floor, smile at an attractive lady, and give the man she came with just enough attention to not be considered rude. If our conversation graduates to physical activity, we're vocal about our desires and what kind of contact we are comfortable with and will permit. As in real life, the woman's pleasure is always my chief focus, so I'll kiss and caress her as a kind of extended foreplay. I'll let the man know that he can put his penis in my hand, between my breasts, or rub it against my backside, but he can't penetrate me with anything but his fingers.
Mutual masturbation is incredibly sexy ― it's fun to watch how others please themselves. Oral sex is a mixed bag for me: I reserve cunnilingus for select women and fellatio is always off the table, but I'm happy to observe the other woman's technique. Two of us might collaborate to make the third person in the triad orgasm, and one way to go about this is giving the man a massage while the other woman fellates him.
If the couple would like to have time for themselves, I'll respectfully withdraw, but if they want me to watch, I won't object. At these parties, any kind of voyeurism requires permission, because you can't insert yourself into a sexual act without explicit consent. I prefer not to hook up with more than one couple in an evening, and aside from the occasional text, there isn't much contact afterward.
It's unreasonable to expect complete privacy, but if you don't want to be caught in the tangle of limbs and writhing torsos in the play areas, you can go to one of the tents set up around the venue, which are designed for no more than four people.
The Sybian, the grande dame of sex toys, is a popular attraction that can be found at some of the parties. It's a vibrating saddle with a curved part at its front to stimulate the rider's clitoris, and it's usually in a tent, allowing some semblance of privacy. If you have an exhibitionist streak, you can leave the flaps of the tent open, drape the saddle with the plastic cling wrap provided, and adjust the speed. A garment of clothing to cover your genitals is required principally for hygiene reasons, but also because of the intensity of the vibrations.
The toy can deliver a good time without involving another person, but if you want to make the experience a party, go for it! You can hand the controls to your new friend, have somebody spank you, and carry on a conversation about your taxes without anybody thinking there's anything out of the ordinary occurring.
The collective welcomes all sexualities and relationship styles, and you can decide how wild or tame your adventure will be. If you wish to spend the night on your back, fabulous, but if you prefer to camp out by the bar with your beverage of choice, that's also acceptable, provided you can hold your liquor.
There's no rush to put your clothes on after you've had your fill ―you can continue lounging around nude until the moaning ceases, the DJ stops spinning, and the lights come on. The ban on cell phones encourages people to live in the moment, and instead of taking selfies, they can enjoy the freedom of doing what's natural in a private garden, on a rooftop or out on deck. You're allowed to use your phone by the coat check, or outside the venue, to call a taxi.
Once, after I emerged from a romp in a tent, an acquaintance I hadn't seen in months hugged me and there was nothing awkward about introducing her to the couple I was with, even though three of us weren't fully dressed.
If you're contemplating attending any swinger event, there are a number of important things to consider before you go. They aren't right for everyone, so if you're uncomfortable with nudity or prone to jealousy, they might not be a good fit for you.
Ask yourself what your hopes, fears, insecurities and hard limits are related to sex. What do you want to gain from the experience and what could you possibly offer those you meet? If you're in a relationship, make sure it's healthy, because a night of freewheeling sex could exacerbate any underlying problems you're having.
Discuss if you're open to your partner being intimate with someone else, and be sure to determine the extent of that intimacy. It might be a good idea to approach your first party as a kind of "trial run," where you'll simply soak up the surroundings, meet new people and assess your feelings in this new world. If you discover that it isn't your scene, or if your interest has waned, there's no shame in bowing out.
This collective enables free-spirited adults to safely participate in something our mainstream culture often misrepresents and doesn't typically condone. It might surprise you how down to earth the members are, and if you continue to attend the parties, you'll notice some of the same faces again and again. After I emerged from a romp in a tent one night, an acquaintance I hadn't seen in months hugged me, and there was nothing awkward about introducing her to the couple that was with me, even though three of us weren't fully dressed.
This is another attractive aspect of the collective ― it's relaxed, free of pressure and people don't take themselves too seriously.
To be present in an erotically charged environment where people engage in incredibly primal acts is as beautiful as it is thrilling. Having the freedom to express myself with likeminded people has taught me about pleasure, agency and the sanctity of human connection in ways I don't think I could have learned elsewhere. The lifestyle has indelibly changed me and my only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner!
Spencer Jones studied creative writing at Ursinus College and Oxford University and earned her degree in creative writing from Aberystwyth University, in Wales. She's contributed to The Advocate and Typed Out, among other publications, and enjoys writing about a range of subjects, from erotica to social justice. She's a tower climber, having raced to the top of The Eiffel Tower and other iconic structures, often for charitable causes. She also enjoys modeling, drawing, tackling new athletic challenges and traveling. You can contact her here.
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